Fears and Doubts

Fears & Doubts: Why They Hold Us Back and How We Begin To Move Through Them

Fear and self-doubt have followed me through different stages of life, even though that probably isn't what people see when they look at me.

I've often been perceived as a confident person. And in may ways , I am. I can show up, speak my mind, deal with difficult situations and get on with what needs to be done. But I've learned that appearing confident and feeling completely secure within yourself are two completely different things.

Behind confidence, there have been plenty of times when I've questioned myself. Am I capable of doing this? What if I get it wrong? What will people think? Am I actually good enough?

And I think that's something we sometimes forget when we look at other people. We see what someone presents to the world, but we don't hear the conversations they're having with themselves behind closed doors.

Where Do Fears and Doubts Come From?

Fear and doubt don't simply appear one day for no reason. They can develop gradually through the things we've experienced, the messages we've received and the ways we've learned to protect ourselves.

At one point, being cautious may genuinely have helped you. Questioning yourself might have prevented rejection, embarrassment, disappointment or another painful experience. Your mind learned. If I don't take the risk, I can't get hurt.

The problem is that a protective response that once served you can eventually become a limitation.

Fear can be influenced by many different things, including:

• Past experiences that taught us to expect hurt, rejection or failure.

• Our upbringing and the beliefs or behaviours we absorbed growing up.

• Societal pressure around who we're supposed to be and what our lives are supposed to look like.

• Comparison, particularly when we're measuring our real lives against the parts of other people's lives we're all allowed to see.

• Fear of the unknown, because even positive change means stepping away from what's familiar.

Understanding where a fear might have come from doesn't mean allowing it to control your future. Sometimes it's simply helps us understand why that voice exists in the first place.

Fear Doesn't Always Look Like Fear

One of the most interesting things I've learned about fear is that it can be incredibly convincing.

It doesn't necessarily turn up screaming, "I'm terrified!"

Sometimes it sounds much more reasonable:

Maybe now isn't the right time.

I should probably wait until I'm more prepared.

What if this doesn't work?

I'm just being realistic.

Maybe I'm asking for too much.

And because those thoughts sound sensible, we don't always recognise what's underneath them.

There is obviously a place for caution, planning and thinking things through. But there's a difference between making an informed decision and allowing fear to dress itself up as logic so that we never have to step outside what feels safe.

That's when fear can quietly begin making our choices for us.

Breaking the Cycle

Perhaps the biggest thing I've come to understand is that we don't have to wait for fear to disappear before we move forward.

For a long time, we can imagine that confidence comes first: I'll do it when I'm ready. I'll start when I'm confident. I'll take the chance when I'm no longer scared.

But growth doesn't always happen in that order.

Sometimes you take one small step while you're still uncertain. Then another. And somewhere along the way, the fear that once felt enormous begins to lose some of its power.

The beginning isn't necessarily courage or complete confidence.

Sometimes it's simply awareness.

You notice the thought.

You recognise the doubt.

You ask yourself, Is this actually true? Is this protecting me from something I genuinely need protection from, or is it keeping me inside something I've outgrown?

And instead of automatically allowing that fear to decide what happens next, you give yourself the opportunity to choose.

That's where things begin to change.

Fear may still have a voice, but it doesn't always have to have the final say. 💜

Want to explore this further?

This blog touches on some of the ideas I explore in Chapter Two of The Cracked Mirror, where I go much deeper into fear, self-doubt, where these patterns can come from, how they show up in our everyday lives, and how we can begin moving beyond them.

What you've read here is only a small part of that conversation. If this is something you recognise within yourself and you'd like to explore it further, Chapter Two of The Cracked Mirror continues from here.

The Cracked Mirror is available on Amazon. 📖💜